The Things I Thought I Knew But Don't

My mother, who will be 93 this year, underwent a serious operation yesterday. She was given two days to live without the operation but the surgery was risky and she was not expected to pull through. Thankfully the surgery was sucessful and she is recuperating in Intensive Care.

The night before her operation I could not sleep for worrying about the outcome. So I got up and started writing down the facts for her obituary. I hear you gasping but those of you who follow my blog know that I urge all genealogists to write their own obituaries or at the very least write down the facts that they want to have put in their obituaries. You can read about writing your own obituary at Writing Your Own Obituary or How to Really Creep Yourself Out

As genealogists we want to get the facts correct. We want future descendants to have lots of detail - how often have we been frustrated by an ancestor's obit that states "she came to America with her parents" Arrgh! Why could the obit writer not give a year? How about adding the names of her parents??

So I thought what better time to write my mother's obit than now, because if she does not make it through, it will be much more difficult to write her obituary while in a grieving period.

It was as I was writing down the basic facts that I realized there were things I did not know. That surprised me because as the family genealogist and keeper of the documents and photos, I thought I had a good handle on writing a biography of any of my ancestors, but especially my mother or father!

I know the basic event facts - birth, marriage and so on. But I realized I don't know where she went to school. I don't know where she lived growing up in Guelph Ontario. I don't know when my step-father died. That last one makes grimace in embarrassment as a genealogist! But I simply can't remember except as a 5-8 year time frame. I didn't mark it down anywhere (ouch!).

It may be too late to ask mother as she is suffering from dementia. I'm hoping I can find the information I'm missing by asking her 86 year old sister but who knows! Now I'm kicking myself for not asking my mother more questions when I had the chance

Writing Your Own Obituary or How to Really Creep Yourself Out

Over on Facebook, where quite a few genealogy bloggers hang out, Megan Smolenyak Smolenyak posted a link to Funeral Planning.

While I haven't gone so far as to plan my funeral or write my own obit (although the thought of doing so is tempting!), last year I have put together a copy of what I want done after my demise. Yes, really. I jotted notes on items such as burial versus cremation, what cemetery I wish to be buried in - and what inscription I want on a headstone.

I've been married three times (divorce then death brought me to my third husband) - should I put all three of my husbands' names on my stone? Do I want to have number one's name immortalized for eternity on MY stone??

My thoughts began to stray to having inscriptions like the following: "beloved wife of husbands two and three" and "long-suffering and not-so-beloved wife of husband number one aka he-who-shall-not-be-named"

What about my parents' names and places of birth? As a genealogist I want it all! I found myself fantasizing about having a 4-generation pedigree chart engraved on a huge headstone. Has it been done before? Is there room?

As a genealogist, I'm also concerned about my own obituary! After reading through hundreds of my ancestors' obits, I know exactly what I wish had been in each. Why oh why were women's maiden names so infrequently mentioned? Why does my great grandmother's obit simply say "she came with her parents from Ireland when she was a young girl"

Acck! Could they not have written something a bit more detailed, such as "she came with her parents John Smith and Lucy McGillicuddy from Ballyhoogan Co. Down Ireland in 1843 on the ship Rosemary which sailed from Belfast Ireland to Quebec on 23 May..."

My children never seem to remember that I was born in Oshawa, not Ajax (which is where I grew up). Neither my kids nor my husband seem to remember how my maiden name McGinnis is spelled!

So I've written down all the facts that I want included in my obit. My maiden name McGinnis (spelled correctly of course). My parents' names and where they were from. Where and when I was born. My husbands' names (yes, even he-who-shall-not-be-named). Where I lived until the age of 17. Where I went to University. A little bit about my interests and hobbies. My children's names. I've even included my 11 grandchildren's names although I doubt anyone will want to pay enough to have them all mentioned.

I'm doing this for future generations who will (hopefully) be looking for me 200 years from now. It was a bit disconcerting when I first began, but as I went along I really became quite interested in the task! After writing down all my notes for my tombstone inscription and obituary, I placed them in a large manilla envelope labelled "For my executor" and put it in an antique blanket box. Family members know where to find these papers.

I didn't make copies and send them to my children because I may want to add or remove items. When you come right down to it, I'm planning on sticking around a very long time! Who knows how many things I might want to change over the years.

By the way, I opted to NOT have hubby number one's name on my tombstone... I managed to get him out of my life, why on earth would I want him around afterwards?